Perspective

If we keep our heads down, either out of defeat or loss or shame or tiredness... whatever the reason, we are going to miss the beautiful sun (and Son) that is right there in front of us, shining its warmth on our faces and our souls!    Mary Beth Chapman from her book "Choosing to See" 

I have been in the middle of an all out pity party lately.  Funny how those things just sneak up on you.  It took me a while to realize that I was the guest of honor at this gala.  As I was reading a book, the above quote woke me up.  I have been walking in defeat and utter exhaustion lately.

I've had so many people tell me over the last several years that I'm crazy to have the family that I do.  That it's unnatural to have so many children that close in age.  I cannot leave the house with hearing something like this from total strangers! Then when folks find out that I home school also, more negative comments are made.  Sometimes it feels as though I have many eyes on me waiting to see if I fall.  When the fall comes, the "I told you so" will come with it.

So, being the stubborn person that I am, I decided that I was going to do it all, and without help, thank you very much.  I would rarely even ask help from my own wonderful husband! The end result is a tired, cranky, critical mom who is not a good example to her kids. I see now what an egotistical mindset that was.  God didn't put us on this earth to operate in a bubble.  He created us with a desire to love on one another, to help each other.  

It's been a long time since I looked up.  While I've been looking down, I've seen every piece of dirt in the house, every toy that was out of place, every fault that my children have.  It's time to look up.  To focus on the One who made those beautiful and amazing children to be who they are.  When my focus is on Jesus, the dirt and nicks in the walls just kind of fade away.

Mary Beth Chapman goes on to say in the next paragraph:

We need to understand down to the depth of our souls that whether He is quietly behind a storm cloud or blazing obviously in the bright blue sky right in our faces, Jesus, the Son, is always-not sometimes-present. No matter what the circumstance.  

And, where Jesus is, there is joy!  So, in order to help me regain some joy, Bob and I are making some changes.  One of them will be to give me time to pursue an interest separate from the children.  So I picked something on my bucket list.  I won't tell you what that interest is yet though.  Since I do have a tendency not to follow through on projects, I'll wait a bit.  


In each of these smiling faces is the image of Jesus.  I just need to choose to see.

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If you are looking for a great book to read, I highly recommend Mary Beth Chapman's "Choosing to See".  She speaks about how God is working in her family through the tragic death of their 5 year old daughter.  If you get it, keep the tissues near by.